ALL LYRICS BY LEECH.

VTERVS - NCC RECORDS - 2007

I LOVE THE POISON IN MY VEINS.

i want to eat you like a fine pastry, he says
she sleeps at the foot of the bed
toes curling in dreams of her next orgasm
all he can think of is the inside of her all pink and dedicated to his undoing
if that obsession becomes reality
thanks very much for this disease
mental illness is my way of life...


A L O N E

we all are born and die alone nothing in between changes that fact nothing in between changes the core of who i am nothing in between her thighs can change what i want nothing in between her thighs can change what i am nothing in between HER eyes.

give me what i want
there is nothing


HE WANTS IT TO END

he rises from his grave, as grating sounds of bone against steel create the sparks of dawn in the distance,
the yawning pit of life expands to devour mountains and oceans until all that remains is a darkness where
contempt cries out in monosyllabic death sentences.
holy as all things violent are, crushed under the weight of ten thousand gravity wells, he rides the solar winds into oblivion and caresses the burning skies as they drown in flame.
pure darkness, the utter absence of light, heralds his arrival.
his fists upon the essence of existence, pounding, pounding;
mis-shapen and roughly-hewn forms of life spring forth like blood from a gaping cunt and crawl upon his crumbling body,
spilling upward and into the sockets of his sightless eyes.
he becomes everything and nothing,
and nothing can save him now.
light enters from another dimension and there is a cold hush in the void as it parts to allow the soft skin of her hand to slide over his fevered brow.
the chaos recedes only slightly, fighting to regain its hold, only to be brushed aside by her tenderness.
the blood which had clotted into a cylinder of rotted words in his throat is shattered
and he speaks for the first time those words which have no meaning to her.
the barriers remain unbroken and she pulls herself back down into the depths of her solitude.
pieces of him rain down over her like screaming animals,
their voices are atomic explosions and their hearts are obliterated as they impact against
the anti-terror field generated by her invulnerable heart.


I AM INSANE, AND YOU ARE MY INSANITY.

i force myself into the smallest possible space, pacing inside the black cube of my mind,
words and thoughts too extreme to be turned into actions fly from the walls to weaken my defense mechanisms.
i can't erase these thoughts of your mouth.
watching you walk toward me, watching you walk away
the chain grinds against my skin as the images flicker in my skull - dreams turn to ash in my hands and i know i'm afraid to feel.
i'm afraid of you because these words exist.
the ones i write about are the most dangerous, but to feel the heat of your breath would make the apocalypse seem worthwhile.


TEMPTING THE DARKNESS

return to the empty womb, split wide open by the brain's capacity to fool itself.
believing that there is a chance in hell, i ride the eye's waveform to the soft skin of your lower back, protruding.
my hands are rough and scarred but they become as soft as silk as your flesh turns them into instruments of death
and your mouth calls to me to fall in, spilling downward into the chasm of your throat and exploding against the rocky canyon walls
as i tumble without end in silence grasping at you hair for a handhold that never comes.
my will manifests too late and trapped in time, we tumble together, a game of sorts with parrying blades,
invisible to the naked eye this goes on and on with no resolution.
we dare not speak the words because the atmosphere will disintegrate if my true intentions are intoned.
your intentions are unknown to me and i assume you have nothing but a clear understanding of what i can only think is my methodology,
leading me to a closer understanding of what you are, who you are, why you have this hold on my spirit.
demons laugh from within my chest and my balls tighten as the ringing in my ears bears your name.
i yearn to cradle you in the dark,
our lips will never touch and this is a tragedy i am prepared to live with because i have always lived with it.


WHAT WOULD I BE WITHOUT THIS FEELING?

what would i be without this feeling?
guts rotted out within me
blood frozen in mid-heartbeat
your skin burning my eyes into embers
an inch away from the end of time
a promise never kept
a word never spoken
a life never lived
somewhere the dreams i have of you come true but i will never see it happen.
i don’t exist without my reflection in your eyes
i don’t exist.


sick

crawling under my skin, ruin me with the contagion as my chapped epidermis is sloughed off in flakes of black,
leprous, parasitic emotions which threaten my future self
force myself to believe in this idea, this falsehood, this imaginary truth:
'i have love to give'
i have nothing, it binds my decaying cellular structure in grotesque quasi-human form
i will never know peace
i am a fool
crush my bones and smear my guts over miles of sun-baked concrete
teach me the final lesson
so that i may stop the chaos
a bullet passes through my skull
the exit wound opens to a brighter day
the curse is lifted and i am free from my addiction to the unattainable
blood stains washed away
crime scene cleared
evidence tagged and filed
self-termination is a dream perpetually incomplete and never to be realised
the dream of holding hands under a blue sky
perpetually awakening to the fact that i am a piece of shit.


REASONS FOR RATPOISON

another monday, surviving to breathe this decaying atmosphere yet again.
he rises from his coffinbed in his nest.
empty, aching, filled with a silent sorrow that comes from solitude.
this was his choice, this is his punishment.
the quality of this cold air, grey and dead, silent like the slience of that aforementioned sorrow.
his loneliness fills his lungs with fluid and he drowns inside himself, as usual.
there was that time when he held your hand in the rain, looking back on it now it seems like some pathetic dream,
like the one he had recently where you were keeping each other's feet warm by rubbing them together.
and then he woke up. he wishes he could wake up now, his insides have been hollowed out.
instead of organs, he's filled with disease and loathing for himself and everything around him.
he's filled with regret for his stupidity and recriminations for everyone he's ever hurt in his life,
in this quest for something that doesn't exist.
he even feels guilty for loving you. but it doesn't matter, because it's not real for you anyway.
he's just another shadow on your heels.
she reminds him now that this is all his fault, and he accepts that.
it's fuel for his self-hatred, it's what he needs to survive, feeding on the discarded emotional skins of other people,
this is apparently his purpose in life, to travel without moving across an emotional landscape filled with dangers,
to crawl through miles of muck to arrive at the other end reborn and covered in rot,
chewing on the constantly regenerating broken heart in his guts.
the words become a childlike singsong lullaby, he drifts off to sleep alone and cold with them crushing him into the bed:
'but i deserve this. i deserve this. i deserve this.'
because i'm twisted. i'm selfish, i'm self-absorbed, i'm narcissistic, and i'm completely devoid of redeeming qualities.
and you were right to keep your distance, to shrug him off like just another mosquito hunting for the heat of your blood.
he needed more proof that there is no reason for anyone to give a fuck.


YOUR EYES

being in love. like being a walking corpse.
an empty shell spurting rotten fluids from every orifice.
doomed and damned, organs putrefying and flesh flaking off in sheets.
nothing and nothingness. i recede into the darkness.
my skull collapses and a flock of flies escapes from their nest.


SENSORY DIVISION AND SELF SABOTAGE

warm and wet, the night closed around me, around us.
concentrate on what's ahead, i demanded of myself.
skin calling to me like a mewling cub needing sustenance, i could not look away.
those curves and crumbling thought processes, drunk on denial and smoking cancersticks for the thrill of it.
holding in the gaseous waste of my trembling corpse,
the heat of the season creating wet grass to lay upon and ponder the brightest star in the sky,
the moon travels on her course and illuminates what i think i want, what i know i need, what i think i need what i know i want, confusion.
the barrier that will never be crossed. crashing down around my shoulders,
time and space become crystalised and we stop and step back from the train wreck in progress,
the avalanche in pause, before we collide,
before genitals meet and lips froth with the exchange of different flavours of saliva,
diametrically opposed down to the very last molecule, one male, one female, both totally fucking insane.
realisation, a mistake to be averted. step sideways to avoid the crunch of bone on bone.
looking back to see the damaged hulls of two ships that passed in the summer night, never to meet again.


I WANT TO BREAK YOUR HEART INTO A THOUSAND PIECES.

falling face-first from the expressionless sky above your freckled skin, looking down into my doom.
your body is the open window, ten stories high, through which i throw myself.
gleaming bone-white, the ghost of your face
rises up to greet me
rushes up to meet me
rushes in to eat me
my insides are pulverised
by the smooth curves of your lips
your hips
your tits
like concrete, cement, steel-reinforced and unyielding.
i dream about the touch of your skin against mine
smashing the life right out of my lungs
as they collapse from the impact
that never happened
i wish for it
i wait for it


I AM MY OWN WORST ENEMY.
I am my own worst enemy.